Right off the bat I'm going to put it out there that I don't know what the title means yet. It just came to me, so we'll see how I get back to it. Secondly, I would like to say that I haven't touched this blog since I created it back on December 27, 2014. The primary reason for doing so was simply out of jealousy. My friend Abby, who is now my girlfriend, (which is still amazingly weird to say) had created a blog, and after reading some of her posts I began to notice this feeling welling up inside me. It's very easy to feel contempt for your life when you are in the midst of someone so great. The impurities of your own life start to surface and you are given the decision to either wallow in self-pity or strive to better yourself. The creation of this blog was an attempt at self-betterment, but as you can see, I haven't really worked on what I had wanted to start. To be honest, I've been vacillating between the two since the night I noticed how amazing she was. (I'm going to state right now that I didn't intend for this entry to turn to Abby so quickly. I honestly wanted to talk about realizing the shortness of relationships, but I guess that will be discussed later because this has been an issue I have wanted to get off my chest for a while. How great for my first submission, right? That should satisfy the masses. Well it's my blog anyway, and I have wanted to get this off my chest for a long time.) I find it quite funny how differently I view her. On one hand all I see is this beautiful, intelligent person, but on the other I see someone that makes me feel so depressed. I want to make it loud and clear that none of this is her fault. I've been wandering in the dark so long, and after walking under her light I began to see all the faults in my life. So again, she is not the problem. She simply makes it easier to see the problems in my own life. I guess it all starts with her family, and how she has been brought up. She grew up with two parents that loved each other and taught her so many things while raising her. Her dad built an airplane in their garage, and she's able to distinguish so many types of planes (which really bugs me because I used to think I was the plane expert just because I was able to tell the difference between a 737 and a 777). Her overall connections throw me off too, with her sports teams and church activities. There is so much more that goes into explaining why some might say she has had an advantageous life, but it doesn't really make sense until you understand my life. I guess it all started when my parents divorced when I was around four-years-old. Without a dual-income, my mom struggled to support us and it limited a lot of things that a child might want to do. I remember wanting to play soccer, but being told that it couldn't be afforded. There was a glimpse of a team sport when my sister and I entered into gymnastics, but that was short lived. Our family was also pretty disconnected too given the fact that my mother's family lived on the east coast and that we only saw my dad's side of the family whenever we had one of our supervised visits with him, which were often disjointed. I don't want to get into a lot of detail, (Seriously, I'm leaving so much out) but I do want to say that all the learning I did while growing up was strictly by my own doing. So yes, seeing her life and what she has done it makes it quite easy to feel bad about my own life.
At this time I don't really know what more to add to this. I feel like I started pretty strong, but now I don't know what else to say. I feel a little bit better, but there is still a lot to cover. With any luck, I will be able to contribute more to this along with other thoughts throughout this blog. Thanks for listening, hopefully I'll see you again.
